Tig’s Birth Story
Let’s start here: for as long as I can remember I’ve always known that I wanted to be a Mum. Not only was motherhood something that I longed for with every cell in my body but it often felt as though a significant part of me was missing. Jackson and I talked a lot about our dreams and raising a family together was always at the top of our list. When we got married, I started to feel anxious (and excited) that the thing I had been anticipating for most of my life could be just about the corner. To be honest, I was a little scared that maybe I had hyped up motherhood too much in my head. There was a lot of self doubt and many unknowns that crowded my mind. What if I did get pregnant and I couldn’t live up to the expectations I had set for myself? What if I didn’t get pregnant and I never got the chance to experience any of it? And pretty much any other worry or doubt from either end of the scale.
During a solo drive home from a trip to Kelowna in July of 2023, I knew that I wanted to fully trust God’s plan for our family. I put on my worship playlist and spent the drive praying that I would be truly content with whatever outcome He had planned for us and to not overthink the future in the meantime. I felt so much peace and spent the rest of July just enjoying the sunshine with my husband and dogs. At the end of the month, I had a friend of mine (who ended up being my doula) tell me I should take a test. My reaction surprised me because I didn’t feel any urgency to know the result (to be honest it hadn’t even occurred to me) and so I didn’t take a test until the next day.
Immediately I was joined by two dark lines. I blinked at it for 30 seconds before I asked Jackson to come and investigate (which shocked him since I never told him I was taking a test because I was convinced it would be negative anyway). He asked me “is it supposed to be two lines?” which confirmed what I was seeing. We hugged and laughed and stared at it to make sure it wouldn’t disappear. Jackson, full of joy and surprise, finally followed up with “I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself, I’m going to go back to work on the floor” (we were installing new flooring at the time). I wouldn’t know until a little later that I was already pregnant during my trip to Kelowna. God is good.
One week later, the nausea began. It quickly turned to throwing up- and not just once or twice- but for about 10 hours a day. It was hard to deal physically, mentally and emotionally. I found it extremely difficult to be excited about the future for the first few months because I was struggling to make it through the days. I found it challenging to eat (not to mention keeping it down) and kept losing weight. I had to go to the hospital for fluids and got prescribed anti nausea meds to help keep the throwing up under control. Baby was healthy and thriving despite it all. Although HG was hard on me, I was so thankful for a healthy baby and smooth pregnancy otherwise.
A few days before my guess date, we were playing cards after Easter dinner and I kept having contractions. They weren’t painful, just noticeable. The contractions were pretty consistent for the next 12 hours and then they stopped. I had my 40 week appointment two days later with my midwife and she asked if I would be interested in a sweep. I had thought about what I would say to the offer in the days before my appointment and ultimately decided I would say yes. When she checked, I was 3cm dilated and she said “I’m on call Thursday, I bet baby will show up for my shift.” I went home and curb walked on a neighbouring street for way too long when I saw a tiny plastic baby on the ground. I laughed out loud to myself and thought it must be a sign.
That night I lost my mucus plug and my calves were sore from all my curb walking. I was excited and mentally dedicated the rest of my week to resting before baby decided to join us. Wednesday came, no labour. Thursday (my guess date) came, no labour. On Friday morning, my MIL called me and asked Jackson and I for dinner. She said to come by “tonight, tomorrow or the day after” and I told her that we would be there that evening. After dinner, we came home and climbed into bed together to watch a movie.
Jackson fell asleep and I continued to watch by myself until it ended at 10:30pm. I turned off the iPad, closed my eyes and almost immediately my water broke in a huge gush! I jumped out of bed and woke Jackson up by saying, “my water just broke!” Jackson woke up faster than I’ve ever seen before, jumped out of bed and grabbed a towel to throw underneath me. He was giddy and so was I until I started shivering like crazy. It was happening! I threw on a giant pad and some dry pyjama bottoms and we went through our pre packed labour bag to make sure we weren’t forgetting anything. My contractions started right away and were consistently 2-3 minutes apart and lasting about 30-45 seconds each. I was welcoming each contraction and just filled with relief that my body and my baby were working together. Then we left for the hospital.
As we were in the hospital elevator going up to the maternity ward, I felt another huge gush of waters and next thing I knew my crocs (and the elevator) were full of amniotic fluid. Jackson and I started to laugh because my crocs were overflowing and as the doors opened, I stuck my hand out and let the nurses know that I had flooded the elevator and wasn’t sure if I should let it go. They claimed that it had seen worst and ushered me out. My crocs squeaked all the way to the desk and we all laughed as they joked “so you think that your water broke?!” My contractions were coming regularly and when they checked me I was 4cm dilated. I got a fancy pair of mesh undies and another giant pad and at around 12pm, we chose to go to the lobby and labour down there for a while. Jackson and I walked about and used my TENs machine. At some point, contractions started to get more intense and I said, “what if they get more intense and then I can’t do make it through?” to which Jackson replied, “at that point you won’t be able to think about the future, you’ll just be using your energy to get through them.” I realized I was already jumping ahead when I needed to just stay in the moment and take labour as it came! I was coping well, why worry about the future?!
At around 2am, I couldn’t walk or talk through my contractions anymore but I was still coping well by making low sounds and humming. We made our way back up to labour and delivery and I was 6cm. The nurse asked me if I wanted any pain medication, I told her “no thank you” and she told me that she would get me a room with a tub. Jackson called our doula at this point and helped me to take off my TENs machine, get undressed and hop into the tub. The water and warmth felt good, but lying in the tub on my back wasn’t overly comfortable for me. I really wanted to be on my hands and knees or upright leaning forward and in that position the water wasn’t high enough to be on my back. After about 40 minutes, I opted to sit backwards on the toilet instead. I laboured here for about 2 hours! My contractions were close together with very short rests in between and I was feeling a lot of pressure. At some point I asked for another cervical check because I just needed to hear that I was at 8cm. When they checked me, I was 6cm and it was 4am. I moved to the bed and sat there overthinking for a couple of contractions when my doula mentioned that maybe it was time to try something to help me get rest in between my contractions. I hadn’t slept in over 18 hours so I thought about it for a few more contractions before I agreed. I got in the bed on my side and used a peanut ball to keep my pelvis open. They gave me some fentanyl to help me rest in between my contractions.
At around 7:30am, I told the nurse that my body had begun to push and asked them to check my dilation. I was 9.5cm and after 20 more minutes I was fully dilated! I moved to the washroom to push on the toilet but then moved back to the bed so I could lean forward against the head of the bed and be on my knees. At first it felt great to be working with my body’s urges but it definitely used more energy than moaning through contractions. Eventually, I repositioned myself with the help of Jackson and my doula to be on my side again to conserve my energy in between contractions. I didn’t notice the passage of time. Finally my midwife told me that she could see hair and that really motivated me because I was sure that my baby would be bald! I reached down and felt the top of baby’s head to confirm that they were telling the truth and realized I was close to meeting this little person.
It was our plan for Jackson to place baby on my chest and when the time came, our midwife said “okay Jackson, come down here and catch your baby!” I had been pushing for just over 2 hours so the fact that our baby was actually ready to join us was a bit surprising (lol) and Jackson said, “I just need to wash my hands!” Our midwife giggled and said, “there’s no time for that.” Jackson went to the foot of the bed and the midwife got him to quickly check baby’s neck for an umbilical cord where they found a little hand holding the bottom of baby’s cheek (baby’s hands were always up by their face during my anatomy scan). On the next push, our baby was born just before 10am. We didn’t know the gender (although we had strongly felt that it was a boy throughout my pregnancy) and so hearing Jackson say, “it’s a boy!” as he laid our son on my chest was the best moment ever. He was beautiful and the three of us snuggled together as we sang him happy birthday (during which was the first time our son heard his name).
About an hour later, they measured him at 9 lbs 1 oz and 54cm. The moment I heard that I quickly asked my midwife, “did I tear?” “I haven’t checked yet,” she responded (to which I assumed that she must have been lying to keep me from panicking because it was really bad). Jackson said, “I didn’t see anything!” so I then proceeded to believe that he was lying as well. The midwife peeked down there to check and told me, “you didn’t tear, you just have a small graze which is probably from his hand placement. I couldn’t even stitch that if I wanted to.” I was filled with relief. I’ve never felt more hardcore in my life than I did in the hours after I gave birth.
To my son: I have never felt more like myself than in the last year. Not only did I grow and nurture a whole new person but I became new. My life more joyful, my days more purposeful, my heart 10 times the size: while everything else was changing, so was I. Not just into a mother, but your mother! I want time to stop in this moment because you will never be this small again (a fact that hits way harder when I reminisce and look at your newborn photos). We are two halves of one person; where there is one of us, the other is, too. As time passes, both of us will grow and evolve and I look forward to see who we both become. I think this is life forever now: joy and grief coexisting. I longed for this for years and I love it even more than I thought I could. The day that I met you, I loved you more than I could describe but much to my joy (and surprise), I found that I have grown to love you more each day over the last year. This is just the beginning, just the first 365 days: how lucky are we that we have the rest of our lives together as a family?!
Written by Jaiden Warris